Monday, February 15, 2010

In Praise Of Women With Antlers


One thing we need to get damn straight is, we here at the After Party, we fucking hate Canadians. We're cool with all other races, but we fucking hate the Canadians.

If a Canadian tries to date my daughter, I'll kill him.

In fact, the Fu2rman and I will probably round up a whole gang of torch and pitchfork carryin' men, take the Canadian out into a field, and fucking lynch him.


I hate Canadians so much that, one time at a party, someone handed me a beer in a mug, I took a couple of long gulps of it, turned to the guy, and asked, "What the fuck kind of pansy-assed beer is this?"


He says, "It's Molson."

I fucking puked that shit up all over the guys shirt right then and there.
And, it served him right.

As much as I hate Canadians, though, there's one thing I gotta give them credit for. It's a little known fact, but their women have antlers.


Yes, it's true.

Someone up there in Canada must have fucked a reindeer a few generations back, and now all their women have antlers. Most people don't know this, because all the Canadian women file their antlers down, and grow hair over them to cover them up.

But, the thing is, one night I was getting completely hammered at this bar in Seattle, and I picked up on this Canadian chick (did I mention I was completely blitzed?) in a really huge, funky-assed hat. I took her out to the parking lot, and she proceeded to go down on me right there in between two cars.

I couldn't see her face, cuz the hat was in the way (I like to watch the Dengler slide in and out of the mouth, you know what I mean guys), so I took the hat off, and what do I see?
A huge pair of antlers.

At first I was too stunned to know what to do. But then, with the Dengler about to explode - even though she wasn't quite giving me the full-on sword-swallowing treatment - I grabbed hold of those antlers and started twisting her head up and down and back and forth, just the way I wanted it.


Voila, sword-swallowing galore.

She took all 23 inches of my cock right down that throat


It was such a turn on that I coated her stomach in about a gallon of man-juice, and went home.

So, the moral to this story is, if you ever see a chick with antlers, do not let it turn you off.

It is a beautiful thing. Almost enough to make this Canadian-hater change his mind about Canada.

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