Tuesday, October 25, 2005

All The News That Fits My Shit

The News of the Day from the Bad Ass Infidel.

First, Infinity broadcasting reaches down to feel their oats, and come up empty:

In the middle of a Tuesday conference call announcing Infinity Broadcasting's plans to replace Howard Stern, a familiar voice appeared: Beetlejuice, the diminutive, snaggle-toothed fixture from the shock jock's nationally syndicated morning show.

He was quickly cut off, leaving Infinity Broadcasting Corp.'s chairman and CEO Joel Hollander to explain how the prank only demonstrated the significance of the company's plans for a post-Stern existence _ a radio world where rocker David Lee Roth and comedian Adam Carolla will take over 12 of Stern's 27 Infinity markets.

"I'm glad Howard thinks this call is important enough to put on Beetlejuice," Hollander said before lobbing a programming grenade at Stern's satellite radio venture. "Infinity will have no 24-hour channels of farting."

What an idiot. Infinity drove Stern to distraction with their lack of support for his right to free speech, and then they want to kick his ass on the way out the door? Here's my prediction, Howard Stern is going to lead the radio world into the 21st century of satellite. Sirius is a good stock to own right about now. Infinity is a good one to sell.

Never again will Infinity stock be worth what it is today.

And anyway, so they say they aren't going to have 24 hour fart stations. Well, what are they going to have?

Diamond Dave. Yes, that's right David Lee Roth, a guy so uncool that even Eddie Van Halen can't stand being around him, is going to try to replace Howard Stern. Look for Infinity to lead the world in 24 hour incoherent rants. Here, I've got someone else Inifinity ought to look at as host; how about Chris Robinson of the Black Crowes? That guy couldn't make sense if his life depended on it.

And, in other news, the Ku Klux Klan is planning a rally against same-sex marriage:

AUSTIN, Texas -- The Ku Klux Klan plans to rally in Austin to support the gay marriage amendment set for the Nov. 8 ballot.

The rally planned on the steps of city hall the Saturday before the election will urge voters to favor proposition 2.

I've got an idea, why don't all the gay guys just marry the Klan's daughters? Then everyone will be happy.

A finally, you know Americans are getting pretty squirrely, when they get spooked by a cookie:

A terminal at San Diego International Airport was evacuated Tuesday after luggage screeners mistook a child's toy and a cookie for bomb- making components, officials said.

A screening machine at the Commuter Terminal detected what appeared to be bomb-making material in a carryon bag around 7:45 a.m., said Transportation Security Administration spokeswoman Jennifer Peppin.

A bomb squad was called to the terminal, which serves regional flights, and investigators determined the bag did not contain any "IED," or improvised explosive devices, Peppin said.

"Essentially what they did find was a child's toy and some organic material in a bag that turned out to be a cookie," Peppin said. "Those two items combined on-screen, they very much appeared to be an IED, and it turned out not to be."

The terminal was reopened about 9:20 a.m. and passengers were allowed back in, Peppin said. Five commuter flights to Los Angeles and one flight to Salt Lake City were delayed, said Steve Shultz, an airport spokesman.

I guess this is as good a time to bring it up as any. I'm mortally afraid of Loofahs. Don't laugh. It's not funny.


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