43 Simple Ways To Simplify Your Life

1. Remove your doors.
   
2. Eat half of each pet
3. Sit on a big, thick book
4. Something something keyring holder
5. Paint clocks cheery pink
6. Wear discarded food
7. Make-believe girlfriend chair
8. Sleep in liquor cabinet
9. Embrace hug love hug meow meow
10. Small room to plan crimes
11. Hack your house key organizer
12. Mail a surprise toaster
13. Just stare more
14. Fourteen
15. Poke holes in paper things
16. Macrame shoelace tree
17. Scrapbook poop and pee
18. Euthanize even faster
19. Amputate favorite limb
20. Pencil shaving gallery
21. Immigrant coat rack
22. Shoebox of dangerous porn
23. Zen unicorn rainbow zen journal
24. Icepick to one good eye
25. Simplify fourteen harder
26. Aluminum foil swan cozy dryer
27. Smell your finger. All of it.
28. Resimplify your simplicity
29. Habitualize your zen
30. Remind your drapes, “I love you, Mrs. Textile”
31. Freeze your clutter
32. Couch fort dinner party
33. Nicene creed robot
34. Only sodomize things that forgive
35. Coaxial sweater vest
36. Transitive verb predicate clause
37. More crying but quieter
38. Inhaler nativity
39. Contact paper taxonomy binder
40. America’s Roast Beef: Yes, Sir
41. Breathe like no one’s dancing
42. Unbridled solo diaper play
43. Illuminated panty shrine