Tuesday, February 16, 2010

Alec Baldwin Is THAT Girl

I had a feeling, but this confirms it.

Good ol' Alec Baldwin was back in the news last week.  Why didn't I post this last week?  I was busy serving as The Wicked Pixie's Jumpoff.  What can I say?  I'm such a slut.  However, I couldn't just let this story die.

Early Thursday morning, NYC's WNBC News reported that Baldwin, 51, was taken to Lenox Hill Hospital after his 14-year-old daughter, Ireland, called 911, claiming that the 30 Rock star was "unresponsive" in their West Side apartment.

A law enforcement official tells the Associated Press that Baldwin and his young daughter had argued and she told 911 he had threatened to take pills. (The official spoke to the AP on condition of anonymity because the person wasn't authorized to speak publicly.)

Again with the 'threatening,' what the fuck?  Why can't this man follow through with anything?

If George W. Bush is elected President, (in 2000), he would pack his bags and move to France.  Well Alec, he was elected, and then re-elected...Why did you stay in The US?  You are not a man of your word, no big surprise.  It's not like you have any character Alec, which is not the same as playing a character in your little world of make believe.  

I was not one of those who was horrified by Alec's voice mail to his 11 year old daughter calling her a 'thoughtless little pig' and threatening to 'fly down there and kick your ass!'  Oh, look at that, another empty threat!

My belief was that she is 11 and probably is a thoughtless little pig that needs her ass kicked.  She is, after all, the product of Alec and Kim Bassinger, two total nut-jobs.

In light of this new story, I was wrong.  I now totally understand why his daughter shut off her phone and dodged his call.  I wouldn't take a call from Psycho-Dad either!

What kind of man pulls the 'I'm going to kill myself because of you!'?  

That's just it, a MAN does not.

I must admit, I fell for this ploy, once.  At what should have been the end of a break up speech, a girlfriend pulled that on me.  It started as the classic But IFLY.  That is, But I Fucking Love You!  When I wasn't buying that, she jumped right to the I'm going to kill myself if you break up with me!  With shame I must say, it worked.  It kept me around for a little while longer.  The next week or whatever, I just left a Dear Jane letter and stopped taking her calls. 

Unfortunately, that was not the last time I heard the kill myself tactic.  I am happy to report that by the 3rd, 4th and 5th girl that pulled that nonsense, I figured out how to deal with it...I simply said, 'OK, well, good luck with that.'  

For the record, to this day no woman has killed herself over me.  I wouldn't kill myself over me, so why would anyone else!

I now try my best to avoid THAT girl.  

But now Alec has proven himself to be THAT girl.  I am recommending that you all avoid everything Alec Baldwin at all cost.

Do you know what my experience made me realize?

I really do love a Suicide Girl!

But not that kind...



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2 Comments:

Blogger Peter Dengler said...

What kind of man pulls the 'I'm going to kill myself because of you!'?


WHAT KIND OF MAN PULLS THE "I'M GOING TO KILL MYSELF" ROUTINE ON HIS OWN DAUGHER?

IF BALDWIN DOESN'T GET HIS SHIT TOGETHER, HE'S GOING TO FUCK UP HIS DAUGHTER SO BAD SHE'LL BECOME EVEN MORE FUCKED HIM THAN HIM.

GOD HELP THAT POOR GIRL.

ON ANOTHER NOTE, THE SUICIDE GIRLS ARE NOW A SUBSCRIPTION SITE.

THAT'S FUCKED UP TOO.

5:37 AM  
Blogger Peter Dengler said...

By the way, four or five chicks have threatened to kill themselves over you?

Wow, that's really something to be proud of.

You really inspire the Jones. You're chick heroin.

I've never had a chick try to kill herself over me, but I have had a 4'10" 101 pound chick almost kill herself on me.

It was really a sight to behold.

6:30 AM  

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