Thursday, February 11, 2010

How Can You Not LOVE John Mayer?

Johnny-boy needs to come hang out with The After Party!  Doesn't it seem like he would fit right in?

In an interview with Playboy musician John Mayer says...

On Porn...

  When I watch porn, if it's not hot enough, I'll make up backstories in my mind. My biggest dream is to write pornography.

Totally!  I mean, come on, sometimes porn characters need a better back story.  And what red-blooded-male doesn't dream of writing porn?

On Jessica Simpson...

That girl, for me, is a drug. And drugs aren't good for you if you do lots of them. Yeah, that girl is like crack cocaine to me... Sexually it was crazy. That's all I'll say. It was like napalm, sexual napalm...

There are people in the world who have the power to change our values. Have you ever been with a girl who made you want to quit the rest of your life? Did you ever say, "I want to quit my life and just fuckin' snort you? If you charged me $10,000 to fuck you, I would start selling all my shit just to keep fucking you."

Oh yeah!  I'm with you, we've all had one of those!  And they are usually only about as interesting as Jessica outside of the bedroom too.  A girl must be good at something if she wants to keep a man around.  And if she's dull or bat-shit-crazy, what's better than skills in the bedroom?

On Jennifer Aniston...

We just have a regard for each other's feelings that is pretty intense. It's been a deep relationship, and it's no longer taking place at all. Have you ever loved somebody, loved her completely, but had to end the relationship for life reasons? ...

One of the most significant differences between us was that I was tweeting. There was a rumor that I had been dumped because I was tweeting too much. That wasn't it, but that was a big difference. The brunt of her success came before TMZ and Twitter. I think she's still hoping it goes back to 1998. She saw my involvement in technology as courting distraction. And I always said, "These are the new rules."...
I'll always be sorry that it didn't last. In some ways I wish I could be with her. But I can't change the fact that I need to be 32.

Hmm...OK, starting to go off the rails a little here John, but whatever.  What else ya got?

On black women...

PLAYBOY: Do black women throw themselves at you?

MAYER: I don't think I open myself to it. My dick is sort of like a white supremacist. I've got a Benetton heart and a fuckin' David Duke cock. I'm going to start dating separately from my dick.
PLAYBOY: Let's put some names out there. Let's get specific.
MAYER: I always thought Holly Robinson Peete was gorgeous. Every white dude loved Hilary from The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air. And Kerry Washington. She's superhot, and she's also white-girl crazy. Kerry Washington would break your heart like a white girl. Just all of a sudden she'd be like, "Yeah, I sucked his dick. Whatever." And you'd be like, "What? We weren't talking about that." 

John John John, now you're really losing me.  Is this some twisted role-play where you dress up your wang in a white hood and have your girl call it her Grand Wizard?   If that's it, I guess I kinda get it...if not, you totally lost me.  On second thought, I am lost either way...If she's hot, what's f#@%ing the problem?!!! 

Maybe John's time hangin' with The After Party would be more like an intervention...

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Blogger Peter Dengler said...

Yeah, but it would be the funniest fucking intervention in the history of the world.

He is fucking hilarious.

You know, really, here's what Mayer's problem is. It's not that he is a bad guy, or an idiot. It is that he lives in the Twitter/Facebook world where everyone just says whatever the fuck they want to say.

And then, when he's in the real world, he thinks the rules are the same.

They are, to his generation.

And frankly, I welcome it.

He didn't say anything bad here. He was just being honest and he was doing so in a colorful way. He's an entertainer.

That being said, I don't know why his cock would be so David Duke. I can't imagine such an attitude for myself. My cock is a United Nations-Sponsored Entertainment Event.

Oh yeah, baby. Can't you just see it. Bono is singing We Are The World, and I'm bending over an Indian babe, then a Sudanese babe, then a Filipino babe, then a German freulein (or however the fuck you spell it), then a Chinese babe, an Arab babe, a Canadian babe (wait, I just got bored) ...

8:11 AM  
Blogger Peter Dengler said...

That Canadian babe stopped me in my tracks. You know what? I think my cock is just as David Duke as John Mayers' is. It's just that my cock doesn't dislike black chicks. It hates Canadian chicks.


8:12 AM  
Blogger The Fu2rman said...

Like I said, I was totally with Mayer until he started getting all lovey-dovey over his relationship/breakup with Jennifer Aniston. And then not wanting to bang black chicks, what's up with that?

Those are the only areas we need to address at the intervention.

I totally give the guy a pass on everything he said, because like you said, he's a f#@%ing entertainer! He's not a role-model, and he's a musician entertainer, no less!

I DO NOT want to live in a world where rockstars, (I'm using the term a little loosely here), are role-models. Rockstars are supposed to be the OPPOSITE of role-models!

My only advice to Johnny M is go bang a black chick, unless you have a little David Duke size Dong.

Oh, and stop publicly pining away for some broad, even if said broad is Jennifer Aniston.

2:08 PM  

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