Tuesday, March 16, 2010

The Dreaded Giant Boobie Defense

Metro:

A bikini model in Japan has been cleared of property destruction after an appeal court heard that her large breasts meant she couldn't have committed the crime.

Serena Kozakura – her professional name – was convicted in 2007 of kicking a hole in a man's door and crawling inside, supposedly because she was angry that he was with another woman.

However, in her defence, her counsel asked the court to compare the size of the hole in the door with Kozakura's 110cm bust – and suggested that she couldn't possibly have made it through the gap.

Defense exhibits A and B....
serena-kozakura.jpg

If the boobies won't fit! You must acquit!

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Sunday, February 28, 2010

Oh My God, Look At How Beautiful My Breasts Are


Some people are so beautiful, they don't need anyone else to get them off. This chick is one of them.

But, I know her well, and she begs me to fuck her.

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Friday, February 12, 2010

A Frightening Sight At The Gym


Ok, so today, I'm at the gym, and I saw something really fuckin' frightening.

The gym I go to is full of frightening sights, to be sure. The free weight room looks like a god damned prison yard. I'm always surprised when I walk out of there without someone having put a shiv between my ribs.

And besides that we have a bunch of other strange shit going on.

We've got a Persian guy who talks to himself while he works out.

We've got a dude with Tourette's Syndrome and serious doubts about his own sexual identity.

We've got a retarded guy who counts really slowly, really loudly, up to eight on every set of reps, only to stop in confusion, cuz he can't remember the next number, and then finally, NIHHHNNNNEE! TEN!

But, all of that, while somewhat frightening in a David Lynch kind of way, is merely amusing to me.

Today I saw something downright disturbing.

They've got this new rule at the gym; everyone has to carry a towel around so that no one has to experience each other sweat while they are working out. The idea is you are supposed to hang the towel on the weight machine, or the bench press board, while you do your reps, and then, maybe, wipe it down a bit before you go on to the next machine.

But, some people take the idea to the extreme. Some people sit on their fucking towel.

And, if that's not bad enough, today I saw a dude go over to a machine that had just been used, wipe down the seat where the previous dudes ass had been, do his reps, and then proceed to use the towel to wipe the sweat from his face.


Oh, the humanity.

I mean, think of the fecal flora soaking through those gyms shorts, coated in the viscous sweat which serves as a kind of incubator for ecoli and other bacteria. Dude wiped that stuff up and rubbed it on his face.

Seriously, you might as well just do THIS.

And, after that, we need a real palette cleanser, don't we?


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