Friday, April 30, 2010

Metallica

Whiskey in the Jar

Want a sensitive guy? Use "cuddle spray"!

If I know Mrs Dengler Pete might want to start sleeping with one eye open.

Cuddle Spray. Yikes.

Every woman knows that men "don't talk," that they "have trouble getting in touch with their feelings," assuming they actually experience anything women could even recognize as feelings. "Real men don't cry," we've learned, they are "physical, not emotional creatures," "their brains are built differently," and if that hasn't convinced you, "they come from Mars." Frustrating, isn't it? But now you can throw away all those relationship books and psychology magazines, girls. Forget the inconclusive counselling sessions. Hope is on the horizon, in the form of – you guessed it – pharmaceuticals.

A recent study by scientists at the Universities of Oxford and Bonn experimented with a hormone-laced nasal spray -- which has already earned the cutesy nickname of "cuddle spray" -- containing the neuropeptide oxytocin on a group of forty-eight healthy males. "Half received an oxytocin nose spray at the start of the experiment," Drs. Keith Kendrick, René Hurlemann, and their colleagues reported in the April 7 edition of the Journal of Neuroscience, "the other half [received] a placebo. The researchers then showed their test subjects photos of emotionally charged situations in the form of a crying child, a girl hugging her cat, and a grieving man. The test subjects were then invited to express the depth of feeling they experienced for the persons shown."

According to the press release, Dr. Hurlemann, a psychiatrist


was able to state that "significantly higher emotional empathy levels were
recorded for the oxytocin group than for the placebo group," despite the fact
that the participants in the placebo group were perfectly able to provide
rational interpretations of the facial expressions displayed. The administration
of oxytocin simply had the effect of enhancing the ability to experience
fellow-feeling. The males in the test achieved levels which would normally only
be expected in women. Under normal circumstances, the "weak" sex enjoys a clear
advantage when it comes to the subject of "empathy."
The doctors also conducted a second experiment where the male participants carried out an observation test on their computers:


Correct answers produced an approving face on the screen, wrong ones a
disapproving one. Alternatively, the feedback appeared as green (correct) or red
(false) circles. "In general, learning was better when the feedback was shown in
the form of faces," states Dr. Keith Kendrick of the Cambridge Babraham
Institute in England. "But, once again, the oxytocin group responded clearly
better to the feedback in the form of facial expression than did the placebo
group."
The project thus demonstrated that oxytocin "treatment increased emotional empathy ratings in men up to the higher level normally seen in untreated women [emphasis added]."

Just imagine the commercial opportunities! If this hormone genuinely wreaks as much havoc on men's gray matter as the scientists claim -- I mean, if a simple nasal spray can actually teach men how to talk -- where can I invest in a new line of oxytocin-based women's fragrances? My bank account could sure use an extra million or two (or twenty).

But the hormone has other effects as well. Oxytocin, a natural human protein that is manufactured in the pituitary gland, triggers labor pains and "strengthens the emotional bond between a mother and her new-born child," particularly during breast-feeding. "Oxytocin is released on a large scale during an orgasm, too." The doctors report that "this hormone might … be useful as medication for diseases such as schizophrenia, which are frequently associated with reduced social approachability and social withdrawal." Or maybe it will help when your sometime boyfriend forgets to call you back for a week. Same thing, right?

This stuff sounds like relationship Viagra, and I suppose now's the time to throw in a joke about nasal sprays for putting the toilet seat back up and taking out the trash. Ha-ha. But the real question might be just how "touchy-feely" women really want the men in their lives to be. Isn't part of the appeal of men their ability to just be there and listen to you without automatically verbalizing every thought that flits through their head? Do we really want their eyes to mist over when we can hardly hold back our own tears? And can't a certain aloofness in a relationship allow trust and love to grow? Alas, the research has nothing to say about such matters.

But what I'm wondering is whether we truly want to hear everything men have to say for themselves. Maybe some things really are best left unsaid after all. Last year Garrison Keillor wrote a column that included these terrifying lines:


Women say, "Why don't you talk to me anymore? I wish you'd tell me what's
going on with you!" so I start talking (like now) and they say, "How can you say
that?" This is our dilemma.
I haven't stopped shaking yet.

But if the new nasal spray goes into mass production one of these days and we suddenly find ourselves living in a brave new world of compulsively emoting, verbalizing men, I suspect we might soon start pining for the strong silent type once more. After all, doesn't true poetry lie hidden in the space between the words...?

====================================================
HEY! I got yer cuddlin' right here! No spray required!

Immune to "Cuddle Spray"

Disturbed
Droppin' Plates

Art

I know it must seem like we're all just a bunch of rough, tough macho men here at the After Party. But no, really, we're totally into our sensitive side. We're way into art.

Way into it.


Because art is a reminder of beauty uncorrupted. It is a reminder of

beauty as it existed
on that first quiet morning,
when some strange, but brilliant, god breathed,

like a glass-blower,

into the crystalline orb of creation,
filling it with fertility,
and the first flower unfolded it's pristine petals.


We must remember such moments because they are precious, and yet precarious, as they have passed into the nether world of the collective unconscious. And yet, we know, somehow, they are part of us, necessary to the strength of our soul as we pass through this life, shielded by nothing but beauty.

Breathe in and remember the unremembered. Know the first fruits of our formation. Shhh, peaceful.

Thursday, April 29, 2010

Tiger Woods And Modern Chivalry


Now that I've killed her faggy boyfriend, I can fuck the shit out of her and then dump her sorry ass

Let's see,

1) Marriage is a contract in the eyes of the Law, NOT a sacred bond which must only be "put assunder" by God

2) when a man breaks the contract, he pays

3) when a woman breaks the contract, the man pays

Right?

So, as far as the law is concerned, men are responsible to the contract, but women are not. In other words, the contract exists so that women will be paid for their services, more than it does to protect the give and take of marriage - "The Institution of Marriage".

So, in the eyes of the law, women have been reduced to the formalized role of Whore. This is where the Feminist Movement has gotten us.

Feminist Lawyers and activists have agitated for almost a century now, and all that has really changed about marriage is that women can divorce any time, and for any reason, they see fit, and men STILL have to pay for the poon, even AFTER they are no longer using it.

Outside of marriage a man can get just about as much poontang as he wants. Hell, the poontang runneth over, oozing out your iPhone with sext messages, digital tits and ass 24/7.


In such a world, is it not to be expected that women are valued less and less by men every day?

So, taking all that into consideration, I would have to say the fact that Tiger Woods was able to write "
four pages, listing the women he’d had affairs with" - 121 names in all - is pretty remarkable. I mean, at least he respected those 121 women enough to remember their names.

This is certainly modern chivalry at it's finest.

Hell, Fu2rman has had to develop elaborate techniques just to remember his babes for the one or two hours before he gnaws his arm off and hobbles on three legs out the bedroom window.

My jimmy hat is off to Tiger Woods.

From the Mirror:

Tiger Woods 'tells estranged wife Elin Nordegren he had 121 affairs during 5-year marriage'

Tiger Woods confessed to having 121 affairs during his five-year marriage, it was reported last night.

The world’s top golfer, 34, is said to have told estranged wife Elin Nordegren the amazing number of women he bedded during her visit while he was in rehab.

Legal sources told US paper the National Enquirer: “When Tiger was in rehab for sex addiction, he filled out four pages, listing the amount of women he’d had affairs with – there were 121 in all.”

Now, after talking to top US divorce lawyers, Erin, 30, has reportedly drawn up divorce papers. They are said to cite his confession, made when she joined him for his rehab clinic “family week”.

This included a “disclosure day” when a tearful Woods allegedly owned up to the flings as part of his treatment.

LOL

And now, it is time for him to pay. Oh, I'd imagine those 121 chicks are worth the several hundred million their pussies are going to cost Tiger, right?

Monday, April 26, 2010

An Artistic Boobquake


Today is "Boobquake Day". This is an artistic boobquake, cuz we here at the After Party are nothing if we're not arty.

Women Bringing You Sandwiches


If you are on Facebook, I suggest you become a "Fan" of this page:
"Women Bringing You Sandwiches"

The more you think, "Maybe I'd better not become a "Fan" of that page," the more you should become a fan. If you think to yourself, "Well, my wife won't like it ... my girlfriend will be offended ... my female friends will think I'm a misogynist ..." then you had better get up off your lame ass and join right fucking now.

This is the moment to decide, am I going to spend the rest of my life being a guy who never has babes bring him sandwiches, or am I going to draw a line in the sand, and make it clear to the women in my life that I want a fucking sandwich once in awhile?

Make the decision now, you useless fuck.

BE A MAN!

300 Spartan Workout

The 300 Spartan Workout Plan



Here's the "Six-Pack Abs" 300 Spartan Workout Plan:



Here's a complete set of workout videos. You can do most of the exercises at home.

Sunday, April 25, 2010

Continuing Our Support of Big Boobs Especially When Attached to Hot Women

The Lane Bryant ad BANNED by Fox Network and (I think) CBS.

Because it showed too much skin.



Are you fucking kidding me? Too much skin? Have they watched their own prime time programming recently?

I'll cozy up to that skin if they aren't interested.

Anyday.

By the way, don't even bother with the sound. You'll get the message without it.

Friday, April 23, 2010

Protesting Hollywood's Trend Towards Smaller Boobs




'Nuff said.

For the moment, anyway
Remember when Joe Biden said Obama wasn't going to take his 2 Beretta shotguns?

SUCK ON THIS ONE UNCLE JOE

You'll be lucky to get a fucking water pistol when you're out.



President George W. Bush Receives Beretta Shotgun at SCI

ACCOKEEK, MD --(AmmoLand.com)- Beretta presented President George W. Bush with a custom-made SO10 EELL Shotgun before a crowd of nearly 3,000 at the final dinner for the 38th annual Safari Club International Convention in Reno, Nevada.

Dott. Franco Gussalli Beretta whose family owns the nearly five-hundred year old company – Beretta, presented this very special 20-gauge over-and-under to President George W. Bush in of appreciation for his leadership during his time in office as Commander in Chief and for his unflagging support of Americans’ rights to keep and bear arms.

“My family and I are very proud to be able to present President Bush with this Beretta shotgun”, said Dott. Franco Gussalli Beretta. “Several years ago my father gave a shotgun to President Bush’s father at the Safari Club Convention- now I am honored to have the privilege to present this shotgun to the 43rd President of the United States, George W. Bush”.

The shotgun was made exclusively by master craftsman at the Beretta firearms factory in Gardone Val Trompia, Italy. It is inlaid with 24 carat gold and features traditional quail hunting scenes on both side plates. The top lever is adorned with the number “43” and the bottom of the receiver shows the Presidential Seal. President Bush’s initials and an image of his dog are also engraved on the gun. More than five hundred hours have gone into the engraving of the shotgun. The stock and fore-end are carved from the finest walnut.

The SO10 EELL Shotgun was presented to President George W. Bush by Dott. Beretta. A custom Italian leather gun case with handmade gun accessories, as well as a Damascus steel knife with engraving and wood matching the gun, were presented to President Bush by Mr. Peter Horn, Vice President of Beretta’s U.S. retail sales corporation.

Beretta, established in 1526, is the oldest industrial dynasty in the world tracing its roots through 16 generations of continuous family ownership. Firearms bearing the Beretta name have been sold for almost 500 years. Beretta USA Corp. was founded in 1977 and supplies the standard sidearm to the U.S. Armed Forces. Today, Beretta manufactures, distributes and markets a complete line of firearms, accessories and apparel. Beretta also owns and operates six retail Beretta Gallery stores worldwide. For additional information, visit www.berettausa.com.
==========================================
Hmm. . .maybe we shouldn't let Cheney handle it. . .

Thursday, April 22, 2010

So What

Miles Davis & John Coltrane

No!

Oh this is sad. Sad sad sad. Tragic.
Big boobs are no longer hanging out, there just out.

The boob bust!

Once de rigueur for Hollywood's most beautiful actresses, fake breasts are now totally passe
by SARA STEWART
Last Updated: 10:33 AM, April 20, 2010
Posted: 1:35 AM, April 20, 2010


Women have something they’ve been meaning to get off their chests for a while now: their gigantic fake boobs. Like Sharon Osbourne, who just yesterday declared she’s had enough of her 34DDs. She will undergo surgery in July to remove her implants — and turn them into paperweights, which she’ll give to her husband, rocker Ozzy Osbourne. “They’re better on his desk than on my chest,” Osbourne, 57, told Matt Lauer on the “Today” show. “They’re awful!”

Yes, the human Barbie doll look may finally be on the way out, thanks in part to a handful of terrible role models. Cases in point: Heidi Montag, star of “The Hills,” who has now injected her chest with so much silicone that she’s not medically allowed to make it any bigger — or Amy Winehouse, rushed to the hospital last week because of complications from her implants.

Now, even Hollywood is starting to actively prohibit implants (and when the film industry deems something too fake, you know it’s bad). Recently, a casting notice seeking extras for the fourth installment of “Pirates of the Caribbean” specified that actresses “must have real breasts. Do not submit if you have implants.” It went on to explain that there would be a “show and tell” boob-veracity test that involved, among other things, running.

“I think the ‘Pirates’ story is indicative of a larger trend in Hollywood,” says one female casting agent who’s been working on movies and TV shows for nearly two decades. She asked to remain anonymous. “Large implants, in my opinion, take the projects and the actors to a sleazier level,” she says. “They become a joke.”

“I do see a trend of bodies going more natural,” agrees agent Megan Foley, who has cast more than 3,000 commercials and, most recently, a James Brolin film.

“About 10 years ago, I worked on ‘Blow’ with Ted Demme, and [no implants] was the main requirement for the girls. And trust me, back then, it was a tall order!”

Danny Roth is another casting agent on the no-boob-job bandwagon. One of his latest films, “Open House,” opens at Tribeca next week, featuring an “implant-free” cast including Anna Paquin, Rachel Blanchard and Tricia Helfer (best known as the hot blonde from “Battlestar Galactica”).

“If you’re talented, let your talent speak for you,” says Roth, who has offices in New York and LA.



“Rachel, our lead, has definitely relied just on talent,” he says. “She’s not well-endowed.

“Personally,” Roth adds, “I think implants are indicative of something else, potentially. Insecurity, or that they’re taking advice from people they shouldn’t be taking advice from.”

While boob jobs have enjoyed a long heyday — the American Society of Plastic Surgeons reports the number of breast augmentations in the US increased 657 percent from 1992 to 2003 — their numbers are slowing.

The American Society for Aesthetic Plastic Surgery reported an 11 percent drop in breast augmentations from 2007 to 2008, and a further 2 percent drop in 2009.

In 2008, there were 355,671 boob jobs performed in the US — but there were also 40,000 implant removals.

When it comes to the entertainment industry, any woman with designs on being taken seriously as an actress should take a close look at the silhouettes of today’s A-list gals: Zoe Saldana, who’s openly described herself as “flat-chested.” Natalie Portman, who has said that “breast implants gross me out. I don’t think they’re attractive at all.” Keira Knightley, star of the first three “Pirates” movies, who has talked about having cleavage painted on for her roles rather than go under the knife.

Olivia Wilde, Kristen Bell, Sienna Miller, Emily Blunt, Anne Hathaway, Michelle Williams . . . the list of small-cup beauties goes on.

Of course, there are the busty actresses who opt to stay that way — but their chests don’t look like molded plastic.

“Kate Winslet, who has not had implants but does have larger breasts than most, can be identified with [by most women] while doing love scenes,” says the anonymous casting agent. “You can see they don’t stand up straight while she’s lying down!”

Adult-film star Sasha Grey, who knows a thing or two about acting while lying down, says she’s never been tempted to jack up the size of her 32B chest. “I’ve seen enough bad implants to never want a pair myself,” says Grey. “I’m very confident with the body I have.”

Grey, who’s also modeled for the American Apparel chain, credits the Internet — that bastion of pornography — for making it possible for natural-breasted actresses to thrive. “We [now] see a healthy balance of tastes, not just an overabundance of augmented breasts,” she says.

Flash back two decades, when it was the flat-chested girls who were getting laughed out of casting rooms. One early ’90s episode of MTV’s “House of Style” features designer Betsey Johnson crowing about her new boob job: “This year in the fashion industry,” she says, “if you’re a woman without tits, you don’t work!”

Starting in the late ’80s, big boobs were the big thing — and surgery was the fast (if pricey) way to get them. On “Baywatch,” Pamela Anderson became the mascot for the breast- implant industry, with female co-stars like Carmen Electra following close behind. In 1995, Jenny McCarthy and her fake breasts were the three stars of the hot MTV show “Singled Out.”

But McCarthy eventually wrote a tell-all about the horrors of that boob job, and even Anderson has fallen from grace. The blond bombshell reportedly downsized hers, but she remains the negative role model for many women today.

As a spokesperson for Wilhelmina, a major NYC-based modeling agency, told The Post, “Do we take women with Pamela Anderson boobs? Nope.”

Still, the allure of surgical perfection will always beckon.

Just last week, Page Six reported that Kate Hudson, long known for her relative flat-chestedness, was rumored to have added brand-new implants.

Tellingly, she made a comment two years ago about her own image on the poster for her movie “Fool’s Gold.”

“They are so not my boobs — they look too perfect,” she said at the time. “Seriously, if I ever wanted to have them done, I’d take this poster to the doctor and say, ‘This is what I want them to look like.’ ”

It could be that Hudson, like many actresses before her, finally succumbed to temptation.

Wednesday, April 21, 2010

A Woman's Place

If she looks this good in the kitchen, it's up to you to decide what a woman's place is ...

er, I guess she has some say in it too.



NBA Fit - Dwayne Wade Workout

Look, not everyone who reads this website is an athlete (though most of us are fully capable) ...

but everyone one of us are involved, on a regular basis, in certain physical activities which require that we be in the best possible physical shape. The harder you want to pound it, the stronger you gotta be.

Check out Dwayne Wade's workout. Major core strength and flexibility here. See what he does. He's working out with Resistance bands. There isn't much distance between a Resistance Band and a Restraining Band, if you know what I mean.

And, as far as the weight machines are concerned, well, just look at it this way; Babes are your workout aparatus.

Check it out:


Tuesday, April 20, 2010

Hot Redheaded Babe Of The Day


And, she's Jewish. I love redheaded Jewish chicks.

These Are The Brains That Will Be In Charge Of A Nuclear Weapon?

Iran: Fashion That Moves the Earth

 
A senior Iranian cleric says women who wear immodest clothing and behave promiscuously are to blame for earthquakes. 

“Many women who do not dress modestly lead young men astray, corrupt their chastity and spread adultery in society, which increases earthquakes,”

the cleric, Hojatoleslam Kazem Sedighi, was quoted as saying by Iranian media. Mr. Sedighi is Tehran’s acting Friday Prayer leader.


Want to see a major earthquake in Iran?

Forward this pic to everyone you know in Iran.

Gotta love a hot arab chick, she's rockin' my world.

Hmm, maybe there IS something to this...

Monday, April 19, 2010

Vomit Boy Sings

Alright, he's here, he's queer, and he's in your ear.



Who is Vomit Boy?

He also has a Facebook page.

Chuck Schumer Sucks

Some things are indisputably the business of a government of limited sovereignty based in law: establishing a military to protect the population from external threats, maintaining a court system where citizens can resolve disputes according to procedures and laws set forth ahead of time in a transparent and impartial manner so that people don't have to take the law into their own hands. Oh yeah, and deciding whether airline companies can charge potential customers a fee for their carry-on bag.

From the Treason Times:

Senator Charles E. Schumer said Sunday that he had commitments from five airlines that they would not charge passengers a fee for carry-on baggage.

Mr. Schumer, Democrat of New York, said he had received the promises in personal calls from top airline executives.

The carriers are American Airlines, Delta Air Lines, JetBlue Airways, United Airlines and US Airways.

The low-budget carrier Spirit Airlines recently said it planned to charge up to $45 for carry-on bags that do not fit under seats.

“We have begun to put the brakes on runaway and out-of-control airline fees,” Mr. Schumer said in a news release. “I am pleased some of the major carriers have responded to our efforts and have agreed not to charge for something that has always been free.”

Mr. Schumer said he planned to urge other carriers to make similar commitments and was encouraging Spirit to reverse its decision.

Mr. Schumer and other lawmakers have proposed legislation that would block the fees by declaring carry-on bags as essential for air travel.
Yeah. Or...and I'm just throwing this out there. Or maybe, Chuck, the different airlines could decide whether they want to charge a carry-on bag fee or not, and the consumers (you know, those people who, according to one school of thought, have the right to not spend their money on something if they don't want to) can decide if they're willing to pay the fee, or choose a different airline?

In other words, maybe the government doesn't need to stick its greasy, corrupt, slimy finger into every tiny crevice of our once free-market economy?

Maybe some people would prefer to be on a flight where you land, the door opens, and everyone walks off like normal people, instead of waiting for a half hour for everyone to pull their giant roll-on suitcases out of the overhead bins?

Why is that your fucking business Schumer, you fucking scumbag? Schumer, why don't you get a job doing something productive like working for a moving company, or painting people's houses, anything! Anything other than what you're doing. You are a fucking parasite. Other people produce, you suck away their lifeblood. Other parasites have voted you into the position you occupy, and in exchange, you help them keep sucking away at the host as well. These scum are going to kill the host if we don't stop them.

I have an idea! I like when pizza places sell Jamaican beef patties but I don't like when they feature slices with broccoli. Therefore, the government should establish a set of regulations for what items pizza places must carry, and may not carry, or may carry if they pay a broccoli surcharge.

Question: What is the problem with government micromanagement (if you're a business owner, keep your hands down, give the other kids a chance to think about it for a moment) -- you know, besides the fact that it's annoying, and that it takes away consumer choice, and stifles competition? It's evil because the larger the reach of government, the more worthless unproductive parasites have to be given desks, salaries, and health club reimbursement plans so they can show up at a newly-created pseudo-job from 10 to 5 plus an annual 5 weeks of vacation, from which they can never be fired no matter how incompetent and stupid they are, at the Department of Carry-On Bag Fee Compliance, which will have to be staffed with a personnel department, cleaning crews, etc. Or you could give those duties to somebody who is already recieves welfare in the form of their government pseudo-job. And how many young, peppy, parasites in training are on Schumer's payroll (i.e., are sucking your blood through your hide as you read these words), how much latte money do they require as they check their Facebook pages while they review drafts of Schumer's groundbreaking Carry-On Bag Regulation Initiative of April 2010?

The productive segment of society gets stuck when the government hamstrings it by imposing annoying fees and restrictions on how it can conduct itself. The government leeches bleed away business through regulation. Then businesses have to raise prices to survive, and pass those losses on to the consumer. And in order to keep the regulatory parasite sucking, the government pays it with salaries that come from taxes...again, stolen from the productive segment of society.

And what do Schumer's subjects get out of this? 40 bucks a couple times a year. If they fly. And if they choose an airline with that fee. So, more accurately, what they get is they won't have to choose for themselves whether they want to pay the fee or not. Yeah, good thing you got involved in this one, Chuck. Benevolent government to the rescue.

Government getting involved at this level resembles all the pointless and annoying automated things you see in airport bathrooms. Someone spent significant time and money to create a sink where you're rewarded for waving your hand angrily back and forth for 30 seconds with a tiny trickle of water for 3 seconds -- after you go from sink to sink, like trying to find a slot machine that will pay off. Last time I flew, I was chagrined to learn that they had invented an automated system to cover the toilet seat with a rotating sheath of plastic wrap. You know, so that people won't have to lay toilet paper on the seat. Which I did anyway. Somehow, I and other passengers end up footing the bill for this unwanted and annoying automated crap. It doesn't pay for itself.

The morons who keep voting for the democrats in New York are moral slaves who get what they deserve.

By the way, when your mom is employed by the Department of Carry-On Bag Compliance, and your dad is the Assistant Executive Diversity Coordinator in the Department of Bureaus, are you going to vote for the candidate who promises to expand the soft caress of the loving nanny state, or for the guy who promises to rub salt on the leeches so the host may survive? The tipping point is not far off. What percentage of adults in the US "work" for the government? What was that percentage 20 years ago?

I have another idea. Schumer, how about you mind your own fucking business, you worthless, corrupt, parasitic scumbag? I hope next time you go to the airport, they've invented a mechanical arm that reaches out to wipe your ass for you, and I hope it short circuits and rams itself up into your intestines, just like you're ramming the hand of government up our collective ass. Schumer. Asshole. I hate you. You fucking jackass.

I don't suppose the major airlines have contributed to Schumer or his cronies? If so, have they given more than has the smaller startup company Spirit?

We should encourage innovation. Businesses should try new things to see if consumers go for them. If the carry-on fee is a bad idea, the market will bear that out. We don't need parasitic dinosaurs like Senator Shitbag to make those decisions for us. Somebody needs to throw you in a tar pit, Shitbag, and then in 10 million years some geezer will find your bones while digging in his yard, and a museum will pay him a sum to come in and excavate, then they will put you up in a diorama being menaced by a giant sloth. Just like how now, government workers are the sloths, and you're menacing me by being a giant douche and trying to ram your regulations into my earning potential's ass.

What does Schumer have against the airlines anyway, besides the fact that stewardesses can be real bitches?

Sunday, April 18, 2010

Last Night's Babe

Saturday, April 17, 2010

Public Service Announcement From The After Party

We're nothing, if not helpful.

New Virus Holds Your Weird Fetishes For Ransom

New Virus Holds Your Weird Fetishes For RansomThe internet's newest, scariest trojan virus doesn't just destroy your computer, it destroys the esteem in which you're held by your loved ones and colleagues, too! By publishing your browser history unless you pay a $15 ransom, that is.

If you've been downloading illegal Hentai games off the popular Japanese file-sharing site Winni, clear your browser's history this instant. At least, do so if you don't want the Kenzero trojan announcing your food/foot/fur/fairy/falafel fetish to the world.

The trojan presents itself as the game's registration screen, only to turn around and publish your personal details, along with a screenshot of your browser's history, on the internet. Scrubbing your seedy details from the web—the same one searched by your grandmother, your boss, and your prospective fiance's parents—requires the payment of a 1500 yen ransom, about $15.

Kenzero is the work of a gang that responsible for a number of recent cybercrimes. For everyone's sake, in this case, don't let yourself become a victim. [BBC]

Warning: Don't Sit Next To Vomit Boy

Man Arrested For Vomiting On Chick At Baseball Game


The other day, I read about this guy. He vomited on a 11 year old girl at a Phillies game ON PURPOSE.

The girls father had brought her to a game as a treat. She loves baseball, and this fuck had to ruin the whole thing.

But, the original story did not identify the guy, and it certainly did not show a photograph of him.

Now that I see a picture of him, here are my thoughts:

THIS GUY LOOKS EXACTLY LIKE THE KIND OF GUY
WHO WOULD PURPOSELY VOMIT ON A 11 YEAR OLD GIRL AT A BASEBALL GAME.

I mean, right? He does, doesn't he? Are you the least bit fucking suprised?

If I said to you, "Hey, picture a guy who'd vomit on a 11 year old on purpose in plain view of the general public," this is the guy you'd picture, right?

In fact, now that I've seen a photograph of him, I don't feel so sorry for the girl. I mean, she sat in front of him. She was asking for it.


Or rather, since she's only 11, it's really her father who was asking for it. He ought to be charged with Reckless Endangerment of a Child and Neglect, or maybe even outright Child Abuse, because, clearly, he wanted his daughter to be vomited on in public.

And frankly, what kind of man is the guy who sat his daughter next to this pathetic waste of DNA, let the guy vomit on his daughter, and then allowed this fuck to live on to vomit on another girl at another baseball game?

If I were at a game, and this motherfucker vomited on my daughter, I would have picked him up - all fucking 240 pounds of him - and I'd have thrown him off the upper fucking deck.

This asshole needs to go to prison and get his rectum filled with man-juice for about five years.

Then, he can vomit on himself in disgust at his own degradation.

Maybe, just maybe, after a few thousand days of being covered in his own prison-slop vomit, with an anus dripping the cum of a thousand pumped-up convicts, maybe then he'll be ready to once again rejoin society as a functioning adult.

Excercise Is Very Important To A Sound Mind And Body

Friday, April 16, 2010

Even 9-Month-Olds Choose 'Gender-Specific' Toys


The Feminists, Postmodernists, and Leftists of the world would like us to believe that all males are born eunuchs, and only develop penises, egos, and aggression out of a process of negative acculturation, but it turns out we're born loving guns, balls, and Harleys.

Gee, what do you know?

From Health Day:
Parents may want their girls to grow up to be astronauts and their boys to one day do their fair share of child care and housework duties, but a new study suggests certain stereotypical gender preferences take root even before most kids can crawl.

When presented with seven different toys, boys as young as 9 months old went for the car, digger and soccer ball, while ignoring the teddy bears, doll and cooking set.

And the girls? You guessed it. At the same age, they were most interested in the doll, teddy bear and miniature pot, spoon and plastic vegetables.

"The boys always preferred the toys that go or move, and the girls preferred toys that promote nurturing and facial features," said study author Sara Amalie O'Toole Thommessen, an undergraduate at City University in London.

But, no matter how conclusive the evidence is, the Postmodern crowd (which is, after all, a group of people who are in the business of denying that there is such a thing as objective truth) will continue to deny that penises mean natural aggression and a lust for action:

So does this mean that boys and girls have an innate preference for certain types of objects? Or does socialization -- that is, the influence of parents and the larger culture -- impact children's choice of toys very early in life?

It's too soon to rule either out, said Walter Gilliam, director of the Edward Zigler Center in Child Development and Social Policy at Yale University.

Thing is, once all these chicks get boned by an aggressive guy with a lust for action, I wonder if they'd be able to find it in themselves to question the Objective Truth that they had an orgasm?

Probably.

Or, they'd just say they faked it. And, since all textual interpretation is done through a collective process (according to Postmodernist Deconstructionism), I guess the non-orgasm would be just as true as the orgasm, right?

That's why you should never have sex with Leftists.

Thursday, April 15, 2010

Lindsay Lohan Naked


She got beautiful tits, doesn't she? I never knew, cuz I got so used to watching her as a "child star" that I never really looked at her.

Now that she's legal, I'm looking. I definitely looking.

Monday, April 12, 2010

Fun Website

Sunday, April 11, 2010

The Future Of Woman


In the future, all women will look like this?

Why do I say this? Simple, because the miracles of science will make it possible ... and we men will pay for it.

And, since we invent everything, and own everything, then chicks will pretty much be forced to accept our direction.

I mean, seriously dudes, isn't this the kind of chick you would want if you could have any chick in the world?

I love the fucking future. Finally we won't have to look at those god damned rail-thin "models" anymore.

(Only chicks think such chicks are beautiful.)


Fu2rman says:

Chicks don't think rail thin models are beautiful, but do you know does?

Who runs the fashion industry?

Gay Men.

What do women without curves look like?

Pretty young MEN.

Rail thin models are employed by gay men, for gay men that review the industry, in an effort to be looked upon favorably.
Peter Dengler replies:
So, you're saying chicks are so god damned stupid that they believe a gay guys aesthetic on feminine beauty over the very men who fuck them and want to fuck them.

Think about how fucking stupid that is.

That is stupider than the stupidest fucking stupid-assed thing I've ever fucking heard in my whole stupid fucking life.

Saturday, April 10, 2010

Another Shocker!

First we had Mark McGuire admitting to using steroids.  I was so surprised...

Then Ricky Martin admitted to being gayI was shocked...

Now Demi Moore admits to having plastic surgery.  I had to pick myself up off the floor!


Demi Moore doesn't rule out plastic surgery despite already having 'the body that I always wanted'

Friday, April 09, 2010

Burkhas Are Dangerous Afterall

I know how much Dengler loves the burkha, but it's stories like this that is going to get it banned.

Muslim woman strangled by her burkha in freak go-kart accident

Thursday, April 08, 2010

Hypernova

This is an Iranian band that I must say, kicks ass!  Forget the novelty of being the only band from Iran that you can now name, they are GREAT!  Their sound stands alone as very cool music.

Here is a 2 part interview...





And now here is a video...




Mirror mirror on the wall
Who's the fairest mother fucker of all
It ain't me, it ain't me, it ain't me....

Wednesday, April 07, 2010

Pure Motherfucking Magic, Bitch

Tuesday, April 06, 2010

Maine: Feminists Stage Topless Protest, "Enraged" When Men Turn Out in Droves to Ogle Them

Crop_topless_0404

(Portland Press Herald)- About two dozen women marched topless from Longfellow Square to Tommy’s Park this afternoon in an effort to erase what they see as a double standard on male and female nudity.

The women, preceded and followed by several hundred boisterous and mostly male onlookers, many of them carrying cameras, stayed on the sidewalk because they hadn’t obtained a demonstration permit to walk in the street. About a thousand people gathered as the march passed through Monument Square, a mix of demonstrators, supporters, onlookers and those just out enjoying a warm and sunny early-spring day.

After the marchers reached Tommy’s Park in the Old Port, some turned around and walked back to Longfellow Square, but most stayed and mingled in the park. Some happily posed for pictures.

Ty McDowell, who organized the march, said she was “enraged” by the turnout of men attracted to the demonstration. The purpose, she said, was for society to have the same reaction to a woman walking around topless as it does to men without shirts on.

However, McDowell said she plans to organize similar demonstrations in the future and said she would be more “aggressive” in discouraging oglers.


Attention Whores by any other name are still ATTENTION WHORES.

These chicks need a good fucking. If they get it from the right guy, it'll knock the feminist bullshit right out of them.

The After Party Loves Smart Chicks

You can tell this chick is smart, because she's wearing glasses, and because she's wearing the newspaper.

We love chicks like this.


Monday, April 05, 2010

Home-O

Sunday, April 04, 2010

This Litterally Made Me LOL

Sarah Palin is generous of spirit

People trash Sarah Palin, but I like to see the good in everyone. Specifically, I’ve always suspected that Sarah Palin is a warm-hearted and generous woman. And finally, we have photographic proof in the form of this slightly NSFW photo.



See? How thoughtful of her. Three invisible men (or perhaps ghosts!) happen to be levitating by her head and, even as she’s in the middle of giving a speech, she finds the time to attempt to pleasure them. How can you not love this woman? Well, unless you’re the two in her hands. She’s gripping them awfully tight. That’s probably the worst part of being in a multiple male orgy with a woman. You’re really getting a raw deal if you’re not getting enough attention. I’d imagine if you’re in a situation like that, your ego isn’t doing well enough as is. Getting yanked around like a misbehaving dog or shamefully having to keep yourself fluffed up isn’t going to do a whole lot to aid your self worth. And here I thought this orgy was really going to help me grow as a human being.

Wow, I have nothing to add to that...

Saturday, April 03, 2010

13 Facts About Women That Men Forget

Full of Sh*t: Before you call NOW, let us just say that this is only a periodic trait, and exists in varying degrees. Most of the time, it comes out in what we like to call a “game,” but outside of a relationship it’s called lying. Basically, she tells you one thing, but means something more than her words. (Words only seem to matter when she remembers to use yours against you.) Other times, it happens when she thinks lying serves a purpose greater than the truth of the moment. So, she might have gone to lunch with her ex and said she didn’t–but he was a dick like usual, so it wasn’t a big enough deal to tell you about (i.e., she cares about you enough to not want to hurt your feelings, but not enough to stop looking elsewhere). Now, try going out with your ex…

More Complicated Than You:
When a man says all he needs is some time for TV, some time for drinking beer (aside from time spent watching TV) and some sex, he isn’t kidding. Most guys are often easily pleased, regularly content (if not happy) and down for pretty much anything. That’s what we mean by “easy-going.” When you’re not dating a woman (or have just started dating her, and she likes you), she can have no trouble matching that description. However, once she’s comfortably in a relationship, she unveils a net of internal and inter-personal intricacies capable of confusing the crap out of any man. It’s a lot of ins, outs, what-have-yous, and it’s F’ing difficult to remember.

Requires Compliments: Ok ladies, we get it–you have terrible self-esteem. And that sucks. We’re sure it’s our fault, somehow. (How?) But unless you want to start telling us what a gigantic d*ck we have every time we see you, give us a break if we don’t notice what you’re wearing from time to time. Maybe what you’re wearing sucks. Did you think of that?…Uh, sorry honey. What we meant to say was, that weird bag dress you threw on looks awesome.

Believes She Knows More About You Than You Do: Again, this only happens after her relationship is in a comfortable spot. At that point, if there’s something she doesn’t like about you, she will probably try to change it. Note: If you’re cheating on her, it’s ok for her to want that to stop. But if you’re just wearing the wrong shirt, or have the wrong haircut, that’s not her sh*t to change. You know how you want your hair, dammit. Tell her so–she’ll appreciate you standing up for yourself.

P.S. Women: Don’t believe anything Cosmo or any other “female-targeted publication” tells you about what guys like. Just keep it as close to BJs and BBQ as possible and you’re in the green.

Evil Toward Other Girls: Unless you beat women (in which case, you should be getting your ass kicked right now, or in jail–preferably both) it’s difficult to comprehend the razor-sharp viciousness women lash each other with during a feud. Angry women are cold, calculating–and if they decide to fight back, they inflict the most damage possible. And this is the part guys forget: Mess up, and they’ll do the same to you! So if you catch your girl hitting below the belt with emails and rumours against someone you thought was her friend, watch your back, that’s all we’re saying.

Self Conscious About Something: This is essentially the cause of “Requires Compliments,” from above. But what women don’t realize is that, when a guy is with a girl, he thinks she’s hot. That’s a given in a guy’s mind, and doesn’t change much. So we completely forget that women, in general, are nervous wrecks of internal anguish. Usually, their fluctuating insecurity is about their bodies, which they say is a product of our cruel desire for them. (As if women are so kind to each other on this front…) Really, it’s about all types of stuff. So guys, if you take this fact of female existence to heart, it helps explain many of their womanly mysteries. (Not the g-spot one, though…)

Crazy: We know this is cliché, but let’s get something straight: When chemical imbalances (i.e., changes in hormone levels) control your thoughts, words and actions–that’s called crazy. A “visit from aunt flow,” as they say, is enough to throw many women over the edge–at least for a couple of days. And while we will forever hold hope that there’s a reliably sane one amongst them, we are yet to even hear of her existence. In fact, most women admit their (temporary) insanity; you’d know if you listen to them. Don’t, and that’s some sh*t they’ll use against you, if you make the mistake of not knowing what the hell is going on.

Not Funny: Believe us, we’ve met (and dated) plenty of funny women. They’re not always fat and not always lesbian. Some of them are hot, and those chicks are the best. But for the most part, women just like to laugh at our jokes (they all say they want a funny man), and suck at coming up with their own. And when it comes to stand-up comedians, women have Lisa Lampanelli and Sarah Silverman and…uh…yeah, that’s it. Unless you count Courtney Love, but we doubt you want to claim her.

A Star-F**ker: Given the opportunity, most women would seriously consider screwing a (cool) famous person, just for the f**k of it. Even your girlfriend. It’s just in their nature. (Non-virgin) guys don’t get obsessed with famous people the way women do. (Just go to a Justin Timberlake concert, or at least stand outside and watch to see.) We’re not saying she’ll cheat on you, but she would definitely weigh her options, given the chance. Especially if the dude plays a guitar or drums. Those dudes get laid, always. Double the chances again if he has an accent. Basically, if she’s going to an after party, agree to meet her there–or consider yourself a dumbass. (She will.)

A Better Liar: When a man lies, he knows he’s doing something wrong. He’ll dart his eyes, mumble, change the subject and try to just get the hell out of the situation as fast as possible. When a woman lies, she can look the person she loves square in the eye and feed him the biggest load of bullsh*t ever, and make it seem like she’s being perfectly reasonable–more reasonable than usual! (That’s your first clue.) But pity the man who catches his woman in a lie; call her out on it, and she will drop her entire arsenal of your f**k-ups upon your quickly withering form. Forget that tactic; it’s better to just go get drunk and hit on other chicks out of spite.

Enjoys Cat Calls: First of all, most dudes don’t call out to girls on the street; we check out your ass and overflowing push-up bra from a respectable distance. But women don’t just (secretly, deep down) enjoy getting cat calls thrown their way, they expect it. Sure, some dude might go over the line now and then, and that never feels nice. But if nobody stares and nobody says a single lewd comment, she feels less sexy, like there’s something wrong with her that day, or at least with what she’s wearing. Guys, don’t take this as an invitation to hit on every stranger you see walking down the street. But ladies, stop telling us you don’t like it.

Constantly Looks For Inner-Meaning: For men, saying exactly what you mean stands as a matter of pride. But no matter how straight your talk, women like to feel like they have more control over the situation by attempting to decode what you’re not saying, so they can guess how you’re feeling and what to do next. Here’s the thing, ladies: Men only talk to accomplish a goal of some type, like working out a business plan. You talk just to talk. It makes you feel better just to get everything out there. If talking isn’t for any reason other than to talk, he’d rather do anything else.

Uses Sex To Manipulate Men:
If she’s looking extra hot and/or acting particularly friendly, beware: she is probably going to ask you to do something you don’t want to do. (This is a perfectly acceptable trade-off in a woman’s mind.) She knows you like sex, and she’s got the tools to use that desire against you–or at least to get what she wants. But sex is what we want, so don’t get us wrong on this one: We want you to use sex to manipulate us. It’s the best form of manipulation possible. But don’t think we don’t know what you’re up to.

Being a Suicide Bomber Was Her Best Option

'Jihad Jane' friend charged with terror offences
Jamie Paulin-Ramirez is the second American arrested in a plot to kill the Swedish cartoonist Lars Vilks Photo: AP
 
Ramirez, 31, formerly of Colorado, was charged in the case of Colleen LaRose, the terror suspect dubbed 'Jihad Jane' after she flew back to the United States from Ireland and surrended to police, according to the US Department of Justice. 

The department said Ramirez had traveled with LaRose "to and around Europe to participate in and in support of violent jihad."
 
Ramirez had surrendered in Philadelphia after flying back from Europe and was charged with "one count of conspiracy to provide material support to terrorists," according to the statement.
The charge carries a maximum penalty of 15 years in prison and a fine of $250,000. 

Ramirez had reportedly been arrested in Ireland last month accused of conspiracy to kill a Swedish cartoonist who made fun of the Prophet Mohammed, but was later freed without charge. 

LaRose, a blonde 46-year-old American, pleaded not guilty last month in a Philadelphia court to recruiting Islamist militants. 

She was initially arrested over an alleged conspiracy to murder Lars Vilks, a Swedish cartoonist who had depicted the prophet Mohammed with the body of a dog. 

If you were a woman and looked like this, what else are you supposed to do with your life?

She's never going to get a man, my god, she may as well be a man!

Yuck!  

Fugly comes to mind...

Thursday, April 01, 2010

SO, YOU SAY I'M A "TEABAGGER"

IF WE ARE "TEABAGGERS", WHAT DOES THAT MAKE THEM?








Sign of life in California



Hmmm, things to do before I die. Look out the window, scratch my ass, eat bologna sandwiches every day...that's about it I guess.
"Dating Game" killer Rodney Alcala was sentenced to death in California. Not sure how or why this happened in such a liberal state, but good news. With leadership like Pelosi, Arnold (I'll be back...to fluff your hyper allergenic pillow), and the Ninth Circus, who knows if this freak will ever meet the end he deserves, but for now, good on Cali.

It is great news any time a murderer gets the death penalty, to keep that noble institution alive and well, so to speak. The majority of Americans believe that there is a moral aspect to existence, that right and wrong actually exist (or at the very least, that absent any certain knowledge about God and the Big Questions, we should deem [like gay, another useful and unique word leftards have now probably corrupted out of the lexicon] that right and wrong exist and order our world accordingly, which is what people have always done, up until the Great Dismantling of the West in the last century and a half), and all is not merely a matter of preserving these carbon based conglomerations of atoms known as humans and keeping them as comfortable as possible with affordable housing and government health care until they dissipate and shuffle back into goddess earth, to emerge later as ferns or mildew. There are many who, upon learning that they had a horrible disease and would die within 6 months, would prefer to blow their savings and go out partying in Ibiza, rather than have no savings to blow because the government taxed it all away to pay for state run health care. The Bucket List is a conservative movie. It's centered on the conservative notions of individuality, ownership of one's life, and transcendent value (though, like many films, there is a tension, the result of lefty filmmakers being bound by the necessity to appeal to the audience, most of whom do not share the filmmakers' values -- compare the previews for Kingdom of Heaven with the product itself. The tension or confusion in Bucket List is visible where Jack Nicholson's character describes his business model for his hospitals: in the universe of the filmmakers, private enterprise = inferior, no frills warehouse style treatment [to be fair, maybe this was just necessary for the plot]).
When leftards wail about someone like Alcala getting the death penalty, it's not that they feel any particular sympathy for him, it's that they want your terminally ill mother to die comfortably and gradually in a state-run hospice instead of skydiving. Kudos, California, it's 11:45 p.m., but the warden's car broke down this morning on the way to work, so you have at least another day.

Here is Alcala in the good old days.
P.S., to any "liberal" who objects "hey, I totally sympathize with the idea that people own their bodies, I loved Bucket List, I support the death penalty..." etc., the answer is, as is so often the case, that you are confused and have not properly considered what you believe about the relationship of the individual to the state and the nature of right and wrong, either because you're simply too dim to undergo that thought process, or because you're a pussy and are afraid people will make fun of you if it turns out you're a conservative.